the secret to being happy. or trite nonsense. maybe both.

two people set down in india, chatting.

12 January, 2007

Chat with B

J:
…

there was something else that I wanted to say. It's about patience, actually, which I've decided is a totally misunderstood concept

I used to think of patience as just waiting around for the thing i wanted to happen.

now i'm starting to realize that patience is actually about doing the work you need to do, then forgetting about it. pushing the desired outcome to the back of your mind,

pretending it doesn't even matter. just start occupying yourself with something else, with whatever is interesting and comes along next. so that actually you do sort of forget about the thing you wanted originally. and then, finally, once you don't care about your original outcome, it comes to you, without being asked. It happens this way pretty regularly, i've found. and the upside of doing things this way is that instead of sitting around fretting about what's not happening, you can just entertain yourself with what is, in the relative certainty that when you need a thing to happen, it will.

plus, usually the thing you thought you wanted to happen isn't really what you want -- not once you've gained some more perspective. The trick is to understand everything that comes as the perfect thing at the perfect moment.

all of this is much easier said than done, of course. though i've found it to be pretty reliable, generally. Work has been the most difficult field in which to implement it, probably because it's the most difficult place for me to let go of my desired results.

B: haha - you've been reading shantaram, haven't you?

J: just finished it last night. but i'd been thinking about this way before.

It hit me pretty hard in delhi, at the ISF, actually.

shantaram just added more perspective -- someone else's ideas on the concept

it’s taoism 101, really.

B: which is not to minimize anything you're saying, which i think is pretty profound, but some of the phrasing is similar

abt the collision of fatalism and free will, in particular

but yes, i think i get what you mean

it's like the diff btwn being at peace vs. being in a coma

J: have you seen it work this way in your life here at all?

very different states of being, those

B: i feel more comatose than peaceful

J: i spent time over xmas/nye with some friends from the states who were struggling to like this place, and in the end didn't care so much whether they did or didn't. when i first got here, i didn't, and that was really frustrating because i felt that i should like it- that i should love it-- and also, i was going to be here for a very long time to not enjoy it. then a learned to enjoy it and for a couple of months it was great. now i've come back down some.

the point though is this: things here aren't going to change in the way, or at the speed, that we want them to. so there's really just the choice to change our selves. and it's a super hard thing to do, especially with certain things, things that are really important to us and deeply felt.

so we can either accept what happens here as beautiful and good, and perhaps blackly ironic, and be at peace. or else just reject it, and, since we'll be here for so long, just succumb to the coma - go through the motions. and it feels like numbness, but it's not. it's actually an important, much cherished part of us that we're shutting away. and that wounds us, deeply. so it's not a coma, i don't think. I think it's actually something much worse.

anyway-- sorry, sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to get all preachy. i'm sort of just writing this out for myself

and I actually have to go to the FRO office now to hopefully pick up my registration (finally?)

B: it's ok, it feels good to hear someone else express their feelings on the topic.

Wow - good luck.

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